it was 11:28am and i knew they were closed at 11:30am. i had 2 minutes and i needed to park my truck, run in and make it inside the door of the social security office before they closed. who closes at 11:30am on a wednesday anyways!? i pulled into the lot at 11:29, parked, grabbed my bag and ran for the door. as soon as i got there the security guard locked it and said “sorry, you missed it, we’re closed”. it was minor in the scheme of the day i had been having so far, but for some reason the frustration levels were too much, the pressure of everything else was too high, and i broke. i walked back to my truck with tears streaming down my face, confused about where they came from. what was i, 12 years old? why was i crying about something so stupid. it really wasn’t a big deal that i didn’t make it, it was only a 30minute drive and i could go back the next day, (and maybe then i could think about leaving myself a little more time to get there). i sat in my truck with my head against the steering wheel and i could feel the anxiety in my shortness of breath. i sat there for a while, focusing on pulling it together. i rolled down the window so i could feel the warm breeze, put my truck in gear and drove back home. everything’s going to work out. everything’s going to be okay. i’m going to be fine. actually, i’m going to be better than fine. breathe.
i got home and called my dad. i could barely talk through the tears as i tried to explain how overwhelmed i was in almost every area and that i didn’t know what to do. he walked over to my house and sat with me at the table. we got out some paper and started writing things down, and seeing it all right infront of me made it much less daunting. we started figuring out a tangible plan for the first problem on the list, and we talked about what i could be doing at that point to eliminate some of the stress. pretty soon i had a plan, the weight was lifted and the tears stopped. it’s so easy to be our own worst critics, and sometimes it can be motivating and helpful, but most of the time, it isn’t. i definitely believe that it is healthy to acknowledge our mistakes, but i have learned first hand the consequences of getting trapped in that pit of sorrow. to dwell on all that is going wrong, all we have done wrong, all that could go wrong. the what if’s and i wish’es and if only’s… it is a dangerous and heavy place to live. acknowledge, learn, move forward. one foot infront of the other. i have to remember that it is completely reasonable as the owner of not only one, but two businesses that both require constant attention to carry a lot of responsibility and to have moments of weakness, heck it is normal for someone who doesn’t have their own business to feel this way. business, bills, taxes, goals, relationships, health, balance… life in general is a lot. i know i’m not the only one to feel overwhelmed, to feel like no matter what i do that it could never be enough. but, what i need to remember in those times is that i am, and i can do it. and if it doesn’t work out the way i intended, something else will come out of it and i’ll go from there. we are so much more resilient than we think. so, i just wanted to say if you are feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone and tomorrow is a new day. slow down and take one step at a time, focus on only the things you can control, and keep moving forward. repeat.